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HOW TO STOP BULLYING IN SCHOOLS ONCE AND FOR ALL
by Chris MacDonald

HOW TO STOP BULLYING

 

how to stop bullying in schools once and for allThe main priority of any school has to be safety. However, schools say they are safe and even give themselves such titles as Safe Schools or Family of Safe Schools, but are they really safe? As long as bullies are allowed to remain in school and free from meaningful consequences, they will continue with their behaviour and schools will not be safe.
Schools also fail to keep in mind that bullying is about bullies and their actions, and not about what the victims should or shouldn't do. In their frustration, when schools, with their failed policies, are unable to effectively deal with bullies, they start to turn their attention towards the victims, and how they should change. This is absurd because the victims should never be blamed for being abused.  
Since the Department of Education, School Board, and any other level of education bureaucracy, often lords it over the schools, it is difficult for them to act in a manner that would be beneficial to the victims, such as policies that would come down hard on bullies. These two or more levels of bureaucracy are not essential and should be seen more as interlopers within the education system. For every dollar spent on the bureaucracy, it is one less dollar spent in the classroom, and it is less money going towards programs that would make it safe in our schools.
Schools could easily and efficiently be run autonomously with little oversight - like they used to!
However, no matter the system, school staff have to remain vigilant at all times. All staff, from bus drivers to principals, need to always be aware and prepared for any threats - including bullies. When it comes to observing students and keeping an eye on bullies and other troublemakers, it is best to employ all sets of eyes including: bus drivers, cafeteria staff, janitors, lunch monitors, specialists, teachers, principals etc. Anybody working within the system must be trained and responsible for observation, note taking, reporting, and keeping the peace. Any and all incidents must be noted and reported.
Being proactive is important, but no matter what anybody tells you, principals know who the main bullies are in their school. If they don't, then I sincerely question their observation skills and their ability to do their job.
And we all know that most teachers don't like having to be on duty, and that after a while it is human nature for people to relax on the rules - even if new ones are put in place. However, it is a necessity for all school staff to remain vigilant while at work.
But what do you do with bullies? There is only two options when dealing with bullies: 1. Extract (Suspend/Expel them) or 2. Contain them. These are the only two options.take the pledge
However, just knowing this is not enough. Insiders know how to get rid of the worst of the worst and contain the others, and I will show you too!
And why must we either Extract or Contain them? I like to use the comparison of the rotten apple in the bag spoiling the other apples. The first thing we need to do is remove that apple. We can't really put it back with the other apples lest it contaminate all of them. This rotten apple is the chronic bully, and it is doubtful that some of them will ever go back into the uh... bag. We have to save the whole bag by taking care of the good apples. Other apples may have a bruise. These are the minor bullies that may possibly be contained using methods outlined in this book.
There is only a handful of bullies doing the bulk of the bullying and ruining the lives of others, and school staff, especially principals, know who they are. Principals are sacrificing the victims by not doing their jobs and not extracting or properly containing the perpetrators.
Oftentimes, there are two things that happen when a school extracts the few chronic bullies: 1. it drastically changes the milieu within the school to a more peaceful and serene environment which is more conducive to learning, and 2. others (minor bullies) quickly fall in line for fear of the same thing happening to them.
When we speak of containment, it often involves a lot of time, money and resources from the system. However, the mandate of the education system is not to fix people; they just don't have the resources, especially with all the money the education system spends on the bureaucracy.
There are many strategies staff can use to contain bullies. Most include maintaining proper levels of observation, including constant observation in which a staff member remains with the bully. However, it should be noted that students should never be left alone anyway, and that school policy requires a staff to be present at all times. There are many other strategies for containing those who are at a high risk of bullying, other than with constant observation, and I have outlined them in my book.
And in regards to extraction: suspension or expulsion is not the only option. One such program that I will briefly mention here is the introduction of Safety School, which is a separate educational program for chronic bullies that provides specialized resources and support until they are ready to go back to the mainstream class. It emphasizes socialization (empathy building/training) along with core subjects such as reading and math - in a more controlled environment. It is estimated that only a very small percentage of overall students would need this strategy, and I have come up with a way to deliver it (and other programs) efficiently and cost effectively.
As mentioned, some containment programs require resources, and so does initiatives such as Safety School; however, the bureaucracy is currently sucking many of the resources right out of the system, so there must be other creative ways to come with the funding.
The bureaucracy tries to be all things to all people, but that is impossible. And while education is a right, the bureaucracy, with its meddling ways, would have us all believe that this right can never be taken away. Some bureaucrats turn it back onto the teachers by stating or implying, “Can't you handle them (the bully)? There must be something wrong with you as a teacher.”
The bureaucracy is part of what I call THE BIG THREE, along with witnesses too scared to come forward; the he said - she said scenario; and parents of bullies who deny their child has done anything wrong, sometimes blame others, and/or threaten principals and teachers that they will take it to the next level.
These are impediments or obstacles to eliminating bullying in any school, but there are others such as principals who are “coasting” to retirement and don't want to create waves or backlash from the parents. And then there are the ineffective and misinformed teachers who don't believe that socialization and promoting empathetic students is part of their job, even though they are with the kids more than the parents. Still others erroneously believe that since some bullies come from sad backgrounds that they should continually be given a pass on their behaviour. And while we feel for them, we must always keep in mind that not making them responsible for their behaviour is doing them more harm than good. And more importantly, that line of thinking fails to keep in perspective that victims need to be protected. In many cases, victims have come from horrible backgrounds as well - which makes them.... you guessed it-- victims.
I would dare to say most bullies have had troubled upbringings, but almost all prisoners in jail have as well!
And then there are staff that will look the other way if a visible minority in the school is doing the bullying - for fear of backlash. It is an unwritten rule in some districts. However, there are many victims who are visible minorities that are being bullied as well. Staff need to protect everyone; especially the victims, no matter who the bullies are. Bullies are bullies no matter their race, skin color or religion.
Principals will often turn it around and ask the parents, ‟What do you want us to do?” This is a stupid question because, what parents really want, is for the principals to do their jobs and make the bullying stop. There are effective ways to deal with these do-nothing principals.
These are some of the obstacles and faulty thinking, along with many others, that with strategies I will give you, can be circumvented and overcome. There are also new approaches employed within the schools these days, depending on the particular bullying situation, such as restorative justice, sharing circles, and intervention from police liaison officers etc.
Cyberbullying and the fear of students being harmed or subject to anything that would harm their reputation is a growing problem. Some communities have become proactive such as police forces forming cyber-units to track down cyberbullies, reveal their identities, confiscate computer equipment and devices, while the courts impose other penalties.
Some schools wisely ban personal smart phones and other handheld devices so that the school can remain a safe environment, and free from the ever increasing threat of students being the object of harassment and abuse, or becoming a part of the latest embarrassing viral video. Schools have got to be safe havens.
Safety shouldn't end at the school's property line either; students must be made to answer to the school for any act of abuse on another student - before school, after school, and even on weekends and holidays. The school has the leverage, so they must use it!
Many schools are stuck in their ways and are resistant to change. Principals and teachers don't always believe that safety trumps education everytime, but how can it be otherwise? It is common sense!
I know how to make school staff accountable and how to push for change. I know what to say and do to motivate school staff and bureaucrats for immediate action, and to circumvent THE BIG THREE, as well as remove other obstacles to overcoming the bullying problem in any school.
There is nothing more serious than bullying because it can lead to anxiety, depression, post traumatic stress disorder, other mental health issues and even suicide.
When one family member is being bullied, the whole family is affected.
And remember: If you or your child is in imminent danger - you can always call 911.

This ground-breaking book will forever change your view on how bullying is dealt with by schools, whether the abuse happens on or off school grounds. Christopher MacDonald takes the onus off of the victims and places it squarely where it belongs. With a tough but fair approach, the book applies strategies and techniques that will provide immediate relief for any victim of bullying, and help for their loved ones, who no longer have to sit helplessly by. Finally, a solution to the problem of bullying in schools!                      

Author: Christopher MacDonald
ISBN-13: 978-0-9867878-3-6 234 pages
$12.99
$9.99
Format: Easy to read digital format - pdf, doc, text, mobi, kindle, epub, and html. Buy the book for immediate reading - no waiting.
bully book formats pdf doc text mobi kindle html epub

buy now how to stop bullying in schools once and for all

Description:
Hold on to your hats, the explosive book, HOW TO STOP BULLYING IN SCHOOLS ONCE AND FOR ALL, by Christopher MacDonald, is a one of a kind, game-changing book that clearly explains how bullying can be eliminated in any school. Forget about all the fluffy rhetoric out there on the serious issue of students bullying students. Despite what anybody has told you, there is a solution to the problem of bullying in schools.

facebooktwitteryoutubepinterestBuy this book and you will learn:

  • A fast and effective approach to eliminate all types of school bullying
  • How to effectively deal with bullying that takes place on and/or off school grounds
  • The Big Three impediments to solving the problem and how to effectively deal with them
  • The reason why the education system has not been able to protect students and eliminate the bullying problem
  • How to empower students and keep them safe
  • How parents can be empowered and acquire peace of mind
  • Survival techniques and what students need to do to protect themselves
  • How to reprogram a bully (using the bully antidote)
  • How to deal with cyberbullies
  • How principals and teachers can take back their schools
  • How to eliminate the bulk of the bullying in any school before lunch
  • How implementing the approaches contained in this book will actually save the system money
  • How to change the system
  • And much, much more...

Find out what some insiders have known for years but have been too afraid to openly tell parents and the public. Read about the real truth on how easy it would be to eliminate bullying in our schools.
I urge students, parents, educators and other stakeholders to purchase it today. There is no need for victims of bullying to endure anymore torment, or for those who care about them to feel powerless to help.
Bullies are being protected because of the failed policies of the education bureaucracy based on their (bureaucracies) faulty core beliefs. This is true in many jurisdictions.
In some isolated instances, bullies whose parents are bureaucrats or of those who are well entrenched in the system by being members of various committees and school groups, have been able to bully with impunity. There has been, if you can believe it, an instance where the mother of a renowned bully who remains as a lunch monitor to her child bully and the bullies' victims. Since her lack of discipline with her own child bully is a large part of the problem, do you think she is going to be able to keep the peace in the area she is monitoring? No, of course not. Not to mention the gross inappropriateness of this situation. And to make matters worse, others monitors at this same school are coming down hard on the victims. Since these monitors are friends with the bullies mother, who is also a monitor, they are siding with the bully in situations that involve her (the bully)! It's crazy! Lunch monitors siding with renowned bullies and accusing the victims of the very same acts perpetrated against them by the bully!
These lunch monitors also break confidentiality (along with many other rules of professionalism) by openly talking about the bullies and victims - even in the victims' presence! I guess if the bully's mother is not in the school or play area at the time, she still has other eyes to make sure her daughter KEEPS ON BULLYING.
Lunch monitors are mostly useless anyway. They're usually there just to drink coffee and socialize with other moms because they're lonely and bored. The bully's mother is there because she knows that if she wasn't in the school as a lunch monitor, and helping out on various boards and committees, that her child bully would have been bounced out on her ass a long time ago. If this bully was not from a family of means in the community, and lived on the wrong side of the tracks, do you think she would have lasted long? Not at all!
I would certainly like the principal or bureaucrat for that school to explain to me how having the mother of the most infamous bully in the school be responsible for looking after her bully daughter and her victims, to be appropriate and not twisted?
It's really bizarre! Mind you, having the mother of a bully embed herself into the very fabric of the school by way of being on boards, committees, councils, monitoring and the like, is far from the norm, but it is an indication of how outlandish and dysfunctional some school districts really are.
You would think with all the levels of bureaucracy that bizarre situations such as the aforementioned would have been on at least one bureaucrat's radar. Actually, the former principal of said school who did nothing about the bullying problem in his school, was promoted in that very same board! And, if you think that is strange, the homeroom teacher who was approached by two students about the very same bully mentioned above, was promoted as well, even after she dismissed eye witness accounts from two students who reported that said bully brought a knife to school and threatened them. She has a new bogus job teaching other teachers!
I wonder what that particular bully has to do to get kicked out of that school... kill someone?
A good example of how in bully situations, some people have their heads up their arses, is the fact that there are handfuls of mothers whose children are victims, have approached the principal and vice-principal over the last 4 years without any sufficient consequence to the bully. These mothers have even approached the mother of the infamous bully many times but the bullying persists - under her own nose. This mother needs to get her head out of her arse, just like the principals. You could see how a mother might want to protect her bully child (it certainly doesn't excuse her), but principals are charged with protecting our kids. Why aren't they doing their jobs?
School staff, especially principals, have a lot to do in the course of a day; however, priority and common sense tell us that safety is the main concern. So what seems to be the problem that schools with bully problems can't get their act together? There are certainly a number of reasons why principals cannot stand up to the bullies, or refuse to. If they can't take care of the bully problem, who will?
I've found that principals will not act because they are coasting to retirement and don't want to rock the boat.
Some principals refuse to believe there is a problem; many don't understand the different types, subtleties, and nuances of bullying. They say things like ‟You cannot control behaviour”, ‟You know kids will be kids.”, ‟What do you expect me to do?”, ‟They're just fooling around.”, ‟Your child needs to be more assertive.”, ‟What is she (the victim) doing that is causing her to be bullied by...?”, ‟We've done everything; what more is there?”, ‟Have you tried.....”, ‟It's just teasing.”, ‟Rest assured, we are staying on top of this.”, ‟Such and such is a good student and well liked, I doubt they are bullying your son (or daughter).”
Other serious problem principals are those who act like politicians. Some just like to smooth things over without resolving anything; some may not want to ruffle any feathers at all; they could also be poor disciplinarians; they may not want to take bullying seriously; they could be afraid (for whatever reason); could be good friends with the bully's parents; or the ever popular scapegoat technique - blame victims - especially if they can't resolve the issue.
The bureaucracy normally won't allow the principal to take a tough or fair stance towards bullying. Many jurisdictions have bureaucrats and educators who are afraid to enforce their own bully policies on certain ethnic groups for fear of backlash and/or not appearing politically correct. And as said previously, schools are reluctant to suspend, expel or even appropriately contain bullies who have come from abusive backgrounds; especially those who have been adopted by affluent families. In many instances, the education system has failed the victims.
Does it matter if the bully has had a hard life or suffers? First of all, let's concentrate on how the victims suffer. No matter what the background of the bully, the approach is still the same: Extract and/or Contain.
Do you remember the analogy of the rotten apple in the bag? It applies in every bullying situation. First, you have to extract the apple. You could contain it by cutting out the bruised part and wrapping cellophane around it and putting it back in the bag. Either way, you first have to extract (chronic bullies) and then, if possible - contain them. Some minor bullies may fall in line by simple containment without extraction; however, even without extraction, there must always be some form of intervention which invariably includes containment.
Mind you, schools were never designed to be rehabilitation centres; however, there could be better methods in place to contain bullies, if they are able to be rehabilitated. But that's up to them. They have to be responsible for their own actions and want to behave better.
It is really annoying to have principals who allow renowned bullies to remain in the school or who don't even appropriately contain them if allowed to remain in the school. What are these principals thinking? Well, they're normally thinking one or more of the various examples above. The principal in most situations should not be turning the problem back to the victims or the victim's parents to solve. It is the principal's problem and if they can't handle it, they should look for another job!
Principals may not take serious, complaints from kids whose parent(s) are teachers at a different school for one reason or another, or simply because they know the parent(s) are their underlings and will not rock the boat by going over the principal's head.
Well Mr. or Mrs. Principal, everyone is doing their jobs: the victims are trying to survive because that is what victims do; the parents of the victims are fighting for their kids because that is what parents of abused children do; the bullies are abusing other kids because that is what bullies do; the bully's parents are looking out for them and denying that any bullying is going on because that is what's expected of them - to be deluded and stand up and lie for their kids who are abusing others; witnesses are not coming forward because witnesses are generally scared, and being fearful is a witness's role; the bureaucracy is back-peddling because generally, that is what spineless, wishy-washy, politician-like, interloping department of education and school board heads do. The only person not doing their job is you because the buck has got to stop with the principal when it comes to bullying.

How to prepare for the meeting with the principal/teacher:
  • Organize the notes you have taken with times, dates and places of all incidents, who you spoke with, witnesses etc.
  • List the questions you are going to ask in a logical sequence. Leave spaces between the questions to write in the answers; Always maintain legibility.
  • Make two copies of everything (I'll explain further down).
  • Meetings can be a little intimidating, especially if there are multiple disciplines such as the teacher, guidance counsellor, safe schools coordinator, principals etc. It is very important to bring someone with you; never go to a meeting alone.   Preferably, the person you bring will be someone who is articulate, knowledgeable about the issues (bullying and the education system), organized and can take notes. If you don't have anyone to come with you, hire someone - if you can afford it. The best choice is a lawyer, but if you can't afford the $300 or more an hour, call a temp agency and book a secretary, clerk, administrative assistant, or speaker etc.) for a few hours. It would be well worth the money, even if they are just there to take notes.
  • Before you go into the meeting with your attaché, give them a copy of all the notes and questions.

It's important to know that you don't have to explain to the principal or anybody else, who the person is (other than their name), and the obvious fact that they are with you. Keep them guessing; it will certainly catch them off guard. Even if you have to meet with just the principal, bring someone with you. Besides, principals almost always have their v.p. or someone else with them to outnumber you or to keep the numbers uneven.
Red Flags: Let it be a warning sign that if you have to keep meeting with the principal - that they are not handling the situation. If the bullying seems to drag on and on, you need to sidestep the principal and go over their head. Some principals don't want to make it appear that they are stepping on toes of their underlings or cohorts. These are the everybody is my buddy principals who are as useful as boots on a duck. Some are just coasting, while others have an agenda; maybe it is for a higher position, who knows? What we do know is that they are sneaky little piggies who do not have your child's best interest at heart; they have their own.
Going over the principals head is something they truly fear. They do not want to appear to their boss(s) that they are not handling the situation.
And what about the various new positions including safe school coordinators? The problem with them is that if you actually do get to talk with one, the plan they come up with will likely go through the principal, who of course, was dragging their arse in the first place. But if you do get a plan, make sure they (the safe school coordinator) types it out and makes it part of the record. I would recommend getting the safe school coordinator involved... right away! You have nothing to lose.
Now, any plan in place should not reflect on the victim in any way. For example, the plan should not be a so called adaptation or any other program that indicates the problem is with your child, and not with the bully. Why does the victim have to change? Shouldn't it be the bully who has to modify their own behaviour? Far too much emphasis is placed on what the victim should and should not do, and too little is placed on the abuser. Let's be clear: the only person who needs to be placed on any type of program and monitored - is the abuser.
If schools followed the code of conduct they put in place, the amount of bullying would be substantially lower in any school. Many schools just don't have the will to follow through. I'm not saying that you have to suspend or expel every bully, but the only other option is containment, which involves close monitoring and a well written and followed plan, along with other resources that could be used.
If a plan is not typed, circulated to all staff (including lunch monitors and bus drivers etc.), explained, and followed to the T, then what is the use in even having one? But even with the most comprehensive plan and the best intentions, it is ultimately human nature that often sabotages the entire undertaking. It is, of course, human nature for any number of individuals involved, to not carry through the details or the spirit of the plan, and to ensure its proper execution. In other words, most may not give a crap, and others may downright sabotage it altogether, to say, "I told you so".
There is a profound lack of will to actually deal effectively with bullies. Many forget (and need continual reminding) that bullying is about bullies - not about victims. The focus has to be on the bully(s). Deal with the bullies and it will prevent the lingering problems that may continue and fester like an infected open wound that extrudes pus... if you pardon my graphic language.
Oftentimes, it comes to a point where even parents are fed up, and start to wonder if their child has brought all of this upon themselves, or, start to wonder if they are embellishing the abuse, or even.... lying about it! Crazy eh?
Kids and teens normally don't lie about being abused.
Victims may even question themselves, because oftentimes, they are getting it from all sides: peers who mistreat them (because bullying and abuse is infectious); friends who avoid them (people generally don't like other people when they are down); teachers and staff who seem annoyed by them because they tell the student to report the bullying, but all the reporting annoys the staff, and ends up in vain because they do nothing or little about it; bullies and their friends who continue to abuse them; and family members who don't know what to do, so they end up blaming the victim.
It is so whacky that there are instances of principals telling parents that you basically can't do anything about bullying because it is behaviour, and that you can't change a student's behaviour. After all, kids will be kids right? This is obviously crap and that principal should be demoted. However, some school boards are so toxic that they continue to place teachers who are not suited for the job into positions of authority - another example of their dysfunctionality!
So what should one do to help their child, friend or loved who is being bullied? My first suggestion is not to abandon the victim, because it will be turned around if the problem is not resolved, much like a rape victim on the stand who must endure grilling from a defence attorney who turns it around and blames the victim.
My next suggestion is to read my book because I've put a lot of time and energy into helping and guiding loved ones and those who suffer at the hands of bullies. It is actually an insiders guide to helping anyone resolve any bullying problem that takes place on and off any school grounds.
There are resources that some school districts have put in place by the bureaucracy to deal with bullying issues. In my book, I help to navigate these resources. When it comes to bullying or any other issue for that matter, the squeaky wheel gets the grease; meaning: those who yell the loudest and are persistent, will get the help they need before others. Normally, that is. And, since it is our taxpayer money that is paying for these programs, it your right and their obligation to help you.
Mind you, their first response is normally to highlight the victims, but keep reminding them that the bully needs to be front and centre and dealt with effectively. Remember: without a bully, there is no bullying. Sure, there are many victims out there, but it is the bully that must be contained and/or extracted. The resources that have been put in place by bureaucrats must always bear that in mind.
Extract and/or Contain: I'm going to show you exactly what extract and/or contain is all about. It is the only options when dealing with bullies. But just knowing this is not enough. I'm going to guide you through this so your child doesn't have to endure it anymore.

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The Mind of a Bully's Parent


If you could walk up to the bully's parent(s), knock on their skull and ask: ‟Hello, is anybody home? Just what are you thinking? Why are you allowing your little deviant to abuse my child?” I doubt you'd get the response you're hoping for, but let me fill in the blanks for you.
First of all, most of these parents either don't discipline their child, or they discipline them inappropriately... to the point of abuse. Either way, not enough or too much, it still is abuse.
The child that habitually abused my child and many others at her school, came from an abusive background. She left that abusive family of origin, only to be adopted by parents who seemed to not set any boundaries or restrictions on her. And it was very clear from the observations of many in the school and community, that the adopted parents did not discipline her either.
All children need rules, boundaries and discipline. Children actually want them and will act out when they don't get them. They need them to feel loved and to feel secure. However, the parents of this particularly bully, a seemingly intelligent couple, failed to realize this.
And in not giving the child what she needs, they are in fact neglecting her -- neglect of course, being a form of abuse. They think they are doing the right thing by not imposing and enforcing any guidelines on their child's behaviour, but they are actually doing more harm than good.
These same parents also feel guilty because of the abusive background this child came from, and so it is guilt that is preventing them from disciplining their child. The school is also aware of the child's background, and the school is also making the mistake of not disciplining the child effectively because they feel sorry for her too. But as you know, all children need discipline. Discipline is not abuse. Discipline is necessary to correct a person's behaviour. It also tells the person that we care enough about you to want to modify and help to change the error of your ways. It must be firm and done out of love and respect.
The failure to set limits, boundaries, rules and to impose discipline, sets the child up to become a sociopath or psychopath as they get older. There are many career criminals who grew up without such restrictions; however, in jail, they have all kinds of restrictions!
So we can clearly see that neglect is a form of abuse, even when it is well intended.
The other kind of parents of bullies often abuse their child through physical and emotional abuse. I'm not going to say they over-discipline because that would make it seem that discipline is a bad word, when in fact it isn't. Discipline is designed to correct a person's behaviour and is always done from a position of love and respect, not anger or loss of control.


More on micro-managing kids (not a good thing!!)


Many parents (especially - stay at home or part-time working moms) like to micro-manage their kids' extra curricular activities to the point of controlling most of their children's movements. I'm not saying all stay at home or part-time working moms do this; however, it is common in our neighbourhood, and these parents have even taken over the school (to a degree) with little to no resistance from the school. They are gossipy, petty, and immature. Their toxic behaviour, sadly, spills over to their kids, who then routinely exclude other children for the most trivial of reasons. Even if the students don't reject the others, the parents will, unless they too are in the "in crowd".
These parents, who we are familiar with the type, should know better. Many are sympathetic towards bullies who they feel sorry for because of their hard upbringing. But you could also feel that way towards every prisoner that is locked up today. Almost all of them had hard upbringings as well. And just because someone has had a so-called hard upbringing, doesn't exclude them from being appropriately disciplined.
The example of this situation in our neighbourhood is quite bizarre when you think about it: a bully with a difficult background that was adopted and raised in an affluent neighbourhood by someone who is micro-managing the kid, but yet, doesn't know how to discipline that kid. Even the parents and so-called friends of this mother know she is not disciplining her bully child, but most have not said anything to her. Or at least it hasn't registered with her yet.
This mother and her other micro-managing mothers have succeeded in alienating other kids (mine included), and in smothering their own... Let kids make up their own mind about the friends they want, unless those kids are dangerous. Funny thing is: the bully who the "in kids" are hanging around is actually dangerous. And, they only hang around her because they are scared; their parents force them; they feel sorry for her; and, bully's mother is so adept at PR and micro-managing, that she has them all wrapped around her finger - mostly through coercion.
The school is trying to figure out what to do about the various clics that are excluding others in a mean spirited way. Not that you can force anybody to hang around anyone else, but this is a toxic situation that I'm referring to, and some of the mothers are actually the problem! Let kids be kids. There is even commercials on TV about this and they make reference to the micro-managing that is going on by parents. But really, are the parents so bored that they need to fill every gap of time in their child's life?
When I was young, we organized our own fun which often included: road hockey, baseball games up at the field, tennis matches etc... It was good for us, and we learned to be more independent than kids nowadays.
And when it comes to picking friends, it usually backfires when parents try to do this. Have enough faith in your child's choices, but be there to steer them when they need it. If your child has made friends with a relatively good person; shame on the parent who undermines that relationship.
Micro-managing parents: stop being control freaks, get a life, grow up, and let your child be a child!!


Parents should monitor what they say around their kids


There are many parents and some teachers that need to watch what they say around their kids and students. Some parents are so insensitive and lacking in common sense and decency that they bad-mouth other kids to each other (in earshot of their own children/teenagers). Of course this gets back to the child who is the object of their scorn and condemnation, resulting in a blow to their self-image, and leaving the kids of these wacky parents - confused. My question: What the heck were you thinking? Are you that immature and petty?
What's even more bizarre is a teacher who interferes in situations that are not any of her concern. A case in point is my own daughter's teacher who took it upon herself to tell the guidance counsellor what should be talked about in the sessions with my daughter. Having the gall to tell the guidance counsellor that she should concentrate her meetings on talking about how my daughter mistreats a well known bully in the school. Crazy? Yes! And, in a meeting with my wife, the principal the vice-principal, lied about what she did when brought up by my wife. It almost floored the principal and vice-principal and turned the teacher beet red.
These are just some of the crazy things that go on in schools and neighbourhoods between people you would have thought had more sense. It is no wonder that my child mistrusts teachers and principals. The principals have to be forced to do anything about bullies, and some of the teachers are a complete hindrance to the whole situation.


Your Child is too Sensitive!!!

Yeah, yeah, we've all heard that. The victim is too sensitive. Well, you'd be sensitive too if your personal security was continually under attack from someone who is believed to be more powerful than you, and the person(s) responsible to keep you safe remained negligent in that task. That is exactly what happened to my daughter. You know, the sad thing about it, is that many times, even the parents of victims start to believe their child is "too sensitive" or responsible for their abusers cruel behaviour and everything that goes along with it. Sure, there is sensitive children out there, and they make great victims for bullies, who are, mind you, very adept at identifying insecurities from other students. But sensitivity aside, these so-called sensitive kids are survivors, even if some of them finally succumb to their tormentors. And yes, there is sometimes fallout in terms of lasting emotional problems for victims, but let's keep it in perspective everyone; let us not forget what led up to them. Lest we forget!

Update: So it seems that my daughter might be off the hook for a while as far as bullying is concerned; however, the bully has turned her sites to another victim. And, as in most cases, lots of people are aware of this new development. It is criminal in my mind, that if principals and/or teachers (or any staff for that matter), know about any incidents of bullying, especially chronic bullying, and do nothing about it. I believe they should be charged, in some instances, with criminal negligence, child endangerment or some provision under the criminal code.
There is no bullying hotline in my daughters' school, and the principal and vice-principal are quite useless when it comes to bullying, so this young victims is at the mercy of her abuser. To add insult to injury, the mother and father of the bully are deeply entrenched in school politics. They are both members of the home and school association and are frequently coming and going in the school. All the while, their precious little monster is abusing others. No one dare say anything to them.

About this book

About this book How to Stop Bullying in Schools Once and For All is a game-changing book by author, Christopher MacDonald. It details a common sense plan to eliminate bullying between students, and how to remove the obstacles that presently exist. This is a no-nonsense book with the victim’s torment always in mind. It is written with the complete understanding of the plight and desperation of this problem for students and their parents.
The book clearly explains what exactly can be done to stop and even eliminate bullying in our schools, and the reasons why bullying has gone on for so long, unabated - even though the issue has been front and center in the media for many years. It reveals what some insiders know about the problem, but will come as a surprise to most others. All obstacles to wiping out bullying in schools are presented and how each one of The Big Three, along with other impediments, can be circumvented – by anyone with the will for change. It also clearly describes how the “bully antidote” can be applied in any school or setting.
Christopher MacDonald's common sense approach balances a firm plan with compassion, and is a breath of fresh air from the usual fluffy rhetoric that sometimes surrounds the issue. The book is written with an urgency that understands that students, parents, educators, and other stakeholders, are in desperate need of a solution to the problem of bullying between students – on and off school grounds. It is truly groundbreaking with its well thought-out and realistic solutions to this insidious problem.

Principal Behaving Badly

The principal at my daughter's school is somewhat of a bully herself. She likes to control children and staff by bullying them into submission. However, it is nice to know that some staff won't put up with this and have, on more than one occasion, put her in her place. Because, when it is all said and done, no one, and I mean no one, has the right to control or  belittle anyone. There are always other options which don't include being abusive and disrespectful to others. Hey, but that's the dysfunctional school board bureaucracy that breeds this type of contemptual behavior by putting wankers such as these in charge of children and staff. You would think educated people would know better.
This same principal has been caught lying on different occasions as well. What a combination: a bully and a liar!

Retired Education Bureaucrats Still Won't Tell the Truth

Before I go into this, let me give a refresher on who the education bureaucrats are, because it seems that most people have a mental block when it comes to them.
Education bureacrats are those extraneous, deadwood, parasitic interlopers that feed on education dollars while lording it over teachers and principals. These are the countless and mysterious staff that work at the department of education and the school boards at the municipal and provincial/state level. The U.S. I believe, even have education bureaucrats at the federal level. Bureaucrats make teachers feel incompetent so as to raise their own stock (which is a ploy of course), because deep down they (the bureaucrats) know they are redundant. Obviously we don't need bureaucrats, and schools for the most part can run autonomously with very little oversight.
In my book, I spend a lot of time talking about the bureaucracy and how it affects the whole system and how it is an impediment to solving the bullying problem. Yes, that's right. The bureaucracy is part of the problem when it comes to bullying on and off school grounds, and they are one of The Big Three.
Many in this region equate the school board with the few elected members (who act as a puppet group) and get paid very little and have very little authority. I'm not talking about these individuals.
And even in retirement, these useless bureaucrats continue to plague the education system. Since they were masters at the helm of previous dysfunctional boards and departments of education, the media (who never report on the wastefulness of the education bureaucracy) allow them to continue spreading their errors. These tired old bureaucrats may even criticize other bureaucrats, which of course is ironic, since they too were useless when they were in charge. But like true masters of manipulation, they obfuscate the real issues, and fall short of what is really going on in the education system.
The teachers' unions in many districts are in bed with the bureaucracy, because it is all about money and not rocking the boat for them. Teachers in many areas would do well to either: get rid of their present unions, or form one that doesn't take in dues. Because, when it is all said and done, money is the root of all evil... even when it comes to representation.
Auditor Generals, who are tasked with finding wasteful spending in the government, should be ashamed of themselves for not uncovering the wastefulness and uselessness of the education bureaucracy. Are these auditors inept or are they turning a blind eye?


What's good for teachers is also good for students, parents, taxpayers, and society and in general.

The overwhelming majority of teachers have our child's best interests at heart. And what is good for teachers, is good for all us. Stress, fear, uncertainty, lack of leadership from their principals, and the bureaucracy, are all detriments to teachers.
Teachers are stressed for a number of reasons, but many times it is from the failed policies of the bureaucracy. Policies such as inclusion in the classroom, oversized classes (unreasonable teacher student ratios), lack of authority to apply meaningful consequences.... These policies are not working. This may sound uncompassionate and not politically correct, but it is the truth.
I also believe that there can be a lot more compassion, empathy, and understanding from many teachers. That being said, teachers are not perfect, and they too have bad days just like the rest of us.
When you have an overbloated education bureaucracy (or any education bureaucracy for that matter), you have individuals clamoring to to have their individuals voices and polices heard. It is human nature to grow a bureaucracy. Bureaucracies across the board (if you pardon the pun) have grown steadily over the last number of decades, and it is why countries such as Greece and others are in financial trouble.
There is absolutely no need of an education bureaucracy (school board, dept. of ed. etc.) and I outline this in my book at great length. With a minor amount of oversight, schools could easily be run autonomously. And why do I include the bureaucracy in The Big Three? Because the bureaucracy makes our schools less safe. They tie the hands of principals and teachers, not allowing them to apply meaningful consequences on the bad apples, and they are a drain on the system. Millions of dollars are spent in most districts to keep the bureaucracy afloat. These precious taxpayers dollars could have been spent in the classroom or the money could have stayed in the pockets of taxpayers.
So in reality, less bureaucracy is good for teachers, students, safety, and society in general. Without it, schools run more efficiently, have more resources, and can implement common sense policies instead of having others (with less knowledge) lord it over them and/or ram it down their throats. Students are safer because bad apples are dealt with accordingly and there is more funds for safety measures such as cameras and other surveillance equipment etc. Teachers are happier because class sizes are smaller and safer. Students learn more and society benefits from students who leave the system more prepared.

More about Inclusion...

Inclusion doesn't work for many reasons. It is another failed policy that our politically correct liberal bureacracies have conjured up.
You know, it is sad that the education system was much better 40 years ago than it is today. With the introduction of school boards, from the old system of school trustees, it created a monster that continues to go downhill.
The liberal School Board and Department of Education bureaucracies have and are, destroying education. Inclusion forces teachers to dumb-down the curriculum. If it is too hard for the struggling, included kids, then it is not taught. Take for instance in the 70's when the multiplication table was memorized by grade 2 in many regions. Now, my grade 5, 10 year old daughter says they are still struggling to learn it.
The silly concept of inclusion was created by idealistic, liberal bureaucrats who have no concept of reality when it comes to these unfortunate kids. It actually hurts these struggling kids to have them in such an environment. They are better off learning in a more controlled environment of their peers, than in the higher stress environment of mainstream classrooms. Some inclusion kids, sadly, can't even comprehend what is going on around them, they are so out of it, let alone learn in a competitive atmosphere. Some others suffer from uncontrolled outbursts, and some are too aggressive and dangerous not to be in a more controlled environment. Many autisitc kids are over-stimulated in such mainstream environments.
Being politically correct, in the end, hurts us all in many ways.


Teachers: You know it's time to kick out your union when.....

There are thousands of teachers in certain regions that are not getting the representation they need from their union. Sure, their union has gotten them modest increases in pay; however, if they were truly listening to their paying members, they would realize that the teaching profession is about more than salary. There are other urgent issues.
Mind you, union reps can help to settle minor miscellaneous grievances between teachers and the bureaucracy, but let's look at the big picture. What's at stake is the whole profession and how teachers are being perceived and treated by bureaucrats, the public, as well as the growing dictatorial bureaucracy that is bleeding the system dry and taking precious education dollars right out of the classroom where they are needed most!
It really has been a lack of support for teachers in many areas that fuel misconceptions about teachers and their role. They are now expected to kowtow to parents, and even the students at times! The union is not fighting for what teachers really want - proper representation and protection from an overbloated and overbearing bureaucracy that binds the teachers in red tape and silly policies.
It would appear that some unions are in bed with the bureaucracy, and this is causing role confusion and devastation. The causalities are the teachers, students, and taxpayers. Unions are not even calling for a reduction in bureaucrats, let alone eliminating departments altogether. Many unions are too big and bureaucratic themselves!
I suggest teachers fire their unions. If they can't do that right away, then they must form their own association and stick together. This association would not require any regular dues BECAUSE MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL, especially (as we have seen) when it comes to unions. Besides, it was money that got a lot of unions to lose sight of what they formed for in the first place.
This new teacher's association could ask for money when it meets to pay for meeting venues or for a legal defense fund etc., but no paid members whatsoever! Everything is done on a volunteer basis.
I'd really love to see this happen in areas where the union has fallen short. It sure would make the union look bad, until of course, the teachers were able to boot it out.

The teacher's unions are not doing a very good job at public relations. Opinions about teachers are at an all time low, and this is due mostly to weak and ineffective, over-bureaucratic unions who have forgotten how to stand up for teachers.
Did you know that:

  • There are extra days allotted for snow days to be used in June if needed in some regions - that being said, the bureaucracy routinely has principals and teachers taking numerous professional development days (at least monthy in some jurisdictions) that take precious time away from teaching;
  • Teachers don't get paid for their summers; the 10 month salary they receive is spread out over 12 months;
  • Many teachers work after hours and/or at home which accumulate to a work week of 50 to 60 hours (or more);
  • Teachers have pressures from all sides including: Department of Education, School Board, principals, staff, community groups, special interests, parents, students (which include behavior problems and those with disabilities - because as you know, inclusion is part of the system, even though it doesn't work). Social workers, psychologists, and specialists routinely drill teachers and expect them to implement specialized plans for particular students.
  • Teachers get blamed for poor outcomes in education, even though it is the useless and dysfunctional bureaucracy that has forced teachers to implement the very impractical programs, curriculums and teaching methods that have led to them.

 

You can find more about this idea and others in the book.

INSIDE THE BOOK: HOW TO STOP BULLYING IN SCHOOLS ONCE AND FOR ALL

Copyright ©2013 by Christopher MacDonald
P.O. Box 81024 Burnaby, BC V5H 4K2 CA
ISBN-13: 978-0-9867878-3-6

Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1: WHAT IS BULLYING?

Chapter 2: WHO ARE THE BULLIES?

Chapter 3: SAFETY – THE SCHOOL’S TOP PRIORITY

Chapter 4: WHAT SCHOOLS MUST DO

Chapter 5: THE BUREAUCRACY

Chapter 6: HOW PARENTS CAN PROTECT THEIR KIDS, AND HOW STUDENTS CAN DEFEND THEMSELVES

Chapter 7: BULLYING IN SCHOOLS AND THE LAW

Chapter 8: STOP THE MADNESS – REPORTS AND RECOMMENDATIONS

Chapter 9: HOW TO CHANGE THE SYSTEM

Conclusion

<><><><><><><>


Introduction

Bullying in schools is pervasive and ubiquitous, but the solution set forth in this book, is simple, straightforward, effective, reasonable, and economical. Even though bullying has gone on for so long unabated, it doesn’t mean that there is not an effective solution for it. I’ve looked at the problem, studied it, and lived it. The truth is: almost everyone has become the victim of bullying at one time or another, whether they admit it or not. However, many may deny it because of the shame and/or powerlessness it evokes - even though it is so common.
We also know that our children will be the victims of bullying in school at one time or another, and that it doesn't necessarily stop the moment the buzzer rings or when they leave the school grounds; it might actually ramp up at those times (especially with cyberbullying).
So why don’t we use our common sense, pull out all the stops, and decide to stop bullying? If we really, really wanted to, we could stop bullying in schools today. However, whether it be school administrators, consultants or other stakeholders tackling the issue, the problem persists. And just because someone has a PhD after their name, doesn’t guarantee they will come up with a viable or rational plan.
I will define all the different types of bullying, profile its offenders, and explain exactly what schools must do to eliminate the problem decisively yet compassionately. Students, parents, police, and especially the schools, all have roles to play in stopping and preventing bullying in our schools, and will be discussed in the upcoming chapters in detail.
And since the education system is at a loss on how to stop bullying, they will continue to spend your tax dollars commissioning new reports, studies, inquiries and research. They are, however, overlooking the obvious, simple and low cost solution to the problem. There is only one solution and you will find it in the following pages. Bullying is a societal problem and must be dealt with firmly. My recommendations will be provided and common recommendations from various reports commissioned by the government will be critiqued.
I will discuss how common views of being politically correct and the liberal attitudes of many, are hindering our efforts to abort bullying.    Victims of bullying have a responsibility to themselves which is why we must actively train them to deal with bullies. There must be a plan of action and this will be studied in the coming pages as well.
We will look at the problem of The Big Three: witnesses too scared to come forward and the he said - she said scenario; parents of bullies who deny their child has done anything wrong, sometimes blame others, and/or threaten principals and teachers that they will take it to the next level; and the bureaucracy, made up of interlopers who do not support the school’s decisions and normally side with the parents. Other factors that interfere with anti-bullying efforts will also be discussed.
I will also explain how to re-program a bully for lasting change using the bully antidote.
Finally, change must also come from the highest echelons of government. We’ll take a look at how to effect change in the mostly apathetic system, who to lobby for long term change, and how anyone can do this – even individuals with little means.

 Quotes from the book:

“Whether the chronic bully uses the direct or subtle approach; everybody knows who the worst offenders are. Here is another fact: bullies will not bully others in front of teachers and principals. At least they will try not to, and that is why a teacher may say that he or she has never witnessed little Jimmy or Amanda bullying or being bullied. Bullying usually happens in areas that are out of view from staff such as: the washroom, hallway, stairwell, locker room, back of the school, and bus etc. It takes vigilance on the part of all staff to do their job and protect our children through observation and intervention. It takes effort and the core belief that safety and security is a priority.”

“We know that when money is involved it has a way of softening the impact of reports, assuaging their audiences, moderating views and appeasing their sponsors.”

“Schools, still at times, place the emphasis and pressure on victims, whereas they should always cast the spotlight squarely on the perpetrators. It is much easier to place the blame on the point of least resistance – especially if there is pushback from some or all of The Big Three or the bully.”

“We need to give the schools the sole power to tackle the problem of bullying in schools with the mandate of first protecting the good apples from being spoiled by the bad. If they keep the focus on protecting its students as the number one priority of the school, they are surely on the right path to eliminating the bully problem. They need to put the needs of victims before the needs of bullies. An important question is, 'What do we do with bullies?' But a better one is, 'What must we do for the victims, and what can we do proactively for the rest of the students?' Paradoxically, the empathetic response from the latter question may invoke firm action going forward from the former one.”

“And what will the Safe School Coordinator or Anti-bullying Coordinator do? As a coordinator they will probably hire more needless staff and be little more than a make-work project that will bleed more money from taxpayers who are already over-burdened by the dysfunctional system. A quick internet search reveals that there are now Safe School Coordinator Assistants, Senior Safe School Coordinators, along with other Safe School Coordinators positions, which are all part of the Safe School team. With all this “safe” personnel on the job, it is a wonder that all perils have not been eliminated in our schools these days!” “There are times when a position is needed that will help to support those who are in crisis or need, but it doesn’t always have to be a paid position. In fact, society would fare much better if we got back to the old way of helping out by using non-paid volunteers; those who have the time (or willing to make it) and want to help out because it is the right thing to do – not because they are getting paid. Our culture is now slowly getting out of volunteering for sake of helping others, and into the business of helping others.”

“We should look at education as being neither a right nor a privilege; it cannot be earned, but it can be taken away. Students do have the right, however, to learn and grow in a safe environment that is free from bullying, more so than a bullies right to education.”

“When it comes to empathy and bullying, the basic premise is: you can’t feel for someone and intend to do them harm at the same time. They are opposing forces. But not only that, it must be conveyed to the student that empathy is much more powerful and a force for good than its antithetical cousin – bullying. It is the stuff that heroes are made of, and at some point, we must all come full circle and embrace its power. In order for us to achieve overall homeostasis, we must first embrace these momentous feelings.  In other words: bullying is transitory until the person finally sees the error of his or her ways. Good always prevails.”

“When we think of education, we must think of schools and not the overpaid bureaucrats that dream up pie in the sky lofty unachievable, unattainable goals that are far removed from reality. Learning takes place in the classroom – not the boardroom!”

“Students who may not have any friends at school could become targets for those who wish to victimize them. We need to remind our kids that doing the right thing garners much more respect than doing the wrong thing for all the right reasons.”

“Just like it is mandatory for teachers and principals to report cases of child abuse, it should be equally incumbent on them (and other school staff) to report or act on cases of bullying. This includes: principals, teachers, cafeteria staff, lunch monitors, cleaning staff, cross walk guards, and bus drivers etc. All staff should be trained and reminded often of their duty to report such cases.”

“To allow bullies to remain in a school while others are suffering, may not be illegal but it is certainly immoral.”

“When it comes to students and their actions and inactions, the point of origin for effectively dealing with bullies must be seen as the school. Just ask the large number of parents who had to bury their children if the school did much or anything to protect their children – when they had the chance. “But what could we have done?” is the common chant. Well, you could have done any number of things, including and not limited to: protecting the victim. Obviously they were telling you the truth because people don’t kill themselves for no good reason!”

“Having powerful groups influence politicians is the premise behind lobbying and is a daily occurrence in politics today. It is the reason why we continue to do silly things like consume dairy products and think it is good for us.”

“Oftentimes, principals and teachers blame the victim for “bringing it on themselves.” I can tell you that it is not the norm for children to want to be bullied – they want to fit in. Besides, bullies have other options than abusing another student for being a little different or “annoying” to them; they can bring an annoying habit or behaviour to the student’s attention, and not by using that annoyance as an excuse to mistreat them. A defect in ones’ character doesn’t give someone the right to abuse another. They can also bring their concerns to the teacher.”

...“I only have three more years until retirement, why rock the boat?” This last reason is what many teachers, and especially principals, use to rationalize why they shouldn’t get involved or enforce the rules or Code of Conduct in a school. They’re just coasting; however, everyone loses with that attitude including staff, students and parents of students who are victims of bullying. So it might appear to the principal that no one will be harmed by their lack of willingness to do their job, but the reality is: everyone suffers. It is time for many principals to stop coasting and do their job right up until they retire. They need to stop living in fear and do the right thing, and to stand behind their staff and enforce the rules consistently and uniformly. And if they can’t do their job, get someone that can!”

“They (bullies) are also disruptive to entire families who often go to great lengths in their attempts to console and seek remedies to keep their children safe from these abusers. If one family member is in pain it will affect the other members. Parents are affected the most because of the feelings of powerlessness and guilt it creates in them by not being able to help their child. This emotional turmoil is often spilled over to the other children who may become indirect victims because their parents may overlook their needs, since the main focus is on the child who is suffering at the hands of a bully from school. Most parents would do anything for their children, and they would especially want to help and solve a problem that involves abuse. They may often have to take time off of work…. or worse – they may quit work to homeschool their child. And with less money coming into the household, parents may fight and argue more or even blame the child who is the victim. He or she may need counselling or other types of support to deal with the bullying which requires more time and resources that the overburdened family is short of. The last thing families need these days is more strain that has the potential of tearing them apart. Bullying is costly to the school because of the added strain it imposes. Teachers are under more stress and may be the victims of bullying themselves from students, parents, other teachers, principals, and/or the bureaucracy. Principals may also be bullied by the bureaucracy who often want to keep them on a short lease, and may subtly or directly threaten to remove them from their post. Cafeteria staff, lunch monitors, janitors, and bus drivers could all be the victims of bullying by students in all its forms including: threats, degrading comments, jeers, and physical violence. This obviously leads to more sick days taken or possibly – stress leave.” “The worst bullies make up a small percentage of the school population; do we really need to spoil the bag with just a few rotten apples? Does that make any logical sense to any reasonable person?”

“Talk to the principal about the specific rules on cyberbullying that are in the Code of Conduct (or absent from it). Ask if those rules have ever been used to enforce cyberbullying, and what the school is doing to prevent it. Don’t let the principal off the hook; keep on him or her until you are satisfied with their answers and responses. Here's how to go about it...” “Here are some other recommendations for parents when it comes to protecting their children from potential cyberbullying or on-line threats...”

“What do you think the response would be when the school tells Mr. and Mrs. Jones that their little angel Bobby or Jennifer is terrorizing the other kids? Most likely one of four things...”

 

 



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